The purpose of this post is to address dating within (and not from without of) a particular theological system. Some have been puzzled by this, I recall staying in a friend's room while my roommate was sick, myself and the friend I was staying with discussed this for quite a while. So I realize it may be strange, but here is a list of reasons and explanations beginning as broad as possible and narrowing to myself eventually.
1. Sharing life = sharing vision.
"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
Some may or may not be surprised to find that my first reference comes from my favorite book of the Bible. In context the editor and/or author has within the account of the creation of man an explanation of marriage. Eve was just taken out of Adam, and he composes a short poem, which comprises v. 23. Using the familiar "bone of my bone," "flesh of my flesh," and ends by calling her woman (isha) because she was taken from man (ish). In consequence marriage is the reuniting or making two flesh one again, which I think is supposed to be understood as completing.
By analogy for this point I will state that a person who has two different world-views is usually labeled as a schizophrenic. Thus worldview is important for sharing one life together. People who marry often have decisions to make together, if they do not see life the same way, then likely they will experience difficulty in marriage. I come from a set of parents that have dissimilar world-views to an extent that has made parenting of myself be interesting at some points. But I think it will suffice to say that people with drastically different world-views probably don't make a good one person union. I will touch on parenting later, but here I will say the issue of an atheist and theist marrying already puts strain on the kids because dad believes X and mom believes not X, then the kid is pulled between the two and also may develop a fractured world-view.
Calvinism is a radically different world-view from the common one. The presence of thinking man is totally depraved, to a point that without God's specific help no one will never come to him. The human will is in a horrid state. God works in this view monergistically, that he is alone the actor in salvation. Man is without part. This is just the tip of the iceberg of the distinct nature of calvinism from other, even christian, world-views.
I have experience trying to reason and make rational decisions with someone who does not share foundations of belief. It is frustrating, often unproductive, and relegates our decisions together as minor rather than major. It is not something I would enjoy having to deal with often.
2. Sharing life = sharing community
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25
"But God has put his Word in the mouth of men in order that it be communicated to other men. When one person is struck by the Word, he speaks it to others. God has willed that we should seek and find His living Word in the witness of a brother, in the mouth of man. Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God's word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself without belying the truth. He needs his brother man as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation. He needs his brother solely because of Jesus Christ. The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother's is sure." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The New Testament places an importance of communal life, most of the works that make up the New Testament are works specifically sent to churches. Church and congregational traditions are the modern expression of the gospel centered and saturated life. To live out the gospel one must live in community. Living all life is an expression of community, John Donne's common aphorism rings true, "No man is an island." We all live in community, we are never so separate that we are independent of others.
Now one must ask oneself, what is dating? What is marriage? The relevant answer is this, marriage is the deepest form of human community, perhaps the deepest form of community that excludes the divine. In Ephesians 5 the community of marriage is in a context where the Genesis 2 quote from earlier is said to be applicable to Christ and the Church. The community of marriage is a very deep thing.
I now belong to a tradition, a denomination that is expressly calvinistic (PCA). I also have no intentions of leaving this tradition, even with the onset of marriage and family in the coming years. Thus a woman that I would consider dating and later marrying must be fine with being in this denomination. With being in community with mostly calvinists, to hear preaching/teaching from exclusively this unshared perspective, and to have her significant others actions and intentions saturated from another viewpoint. This leads to parenting
3. Sharing life = sharing lives.
I want to be a father, perhaps one day I'll blog on calvinist parenting. But this leads to another distinct relational conundrum. World-views change actions, I will parent distinctly calvinistically. I intended to use the reformed catechisms to catechize my future offspring. I want my kids to love Jesus and know his truth and his word. As a theologian/churchmen I want to be the primary example and teacher of my kids. I want doctrine to be adorned in my household Titus 2:9-10, and taught from me to my children to help make them better citizens of God's kingdom.
If my wife is a non-calvinist she will inevitably teach our kids, which is not wrong, but will teach different things, creating a dichotomy again in the kids theological and practical lives. For a person act in part from beliefs and world-view. I am a calvinist, this changes the way I worship, parent, think, read Scripture, teach Scripture, work, process tragedy, and relate with others. I will be a very dissimilar person from my significant other if I date a non-calvinist.
4. Sharing life = living with me.
This blog serves as proof I am opinionated, I would particularly be hard to reason with as that I have a very calvinistic and reformed view. So not only would our decision making be difficult from a different world view, but I hold very strongly and expressly to calvinistic views of almost everything, I often look at something in life, and think I need to develop a theology of ____. This is hard to put up with if we agree, could you imagine if we don't.
